God's Army of Angels

Last week, I had a booth at the County Fair to sell makeup with my friend Christy. I had learned that the jerk was bringing his girlfriend to the rodeo on Saturday. We are still legally married until the judge signs off in November, but apparently that didn't matter to him.

I realize I can't avoid him forever, but it just hurt that he would do that so soon after he left me. Obviously he has no respect for marriage, but it still hurt. I had thought about just staying home that day, but I really need my business to do well, so I decided to go.

I spent all day praying for God to guard my heart and to protect me. I prayed that He would surround me with his army of angels and keep me from harm. God is always faithful!

Literally all night, our booth was pretty dead. But there was a five minute window, just before the rodeo started, when our booth was literally surrounded with people. So many people that I couldn't even see the booth next to us, let alone the entrance where people were pouring in from the parking lot to go to the rodeo. As I looked around at all the people, I knew God has sent His army to protect me.

Tithing

In the past, I've paid tithing, mostly because I felt like it was my duty. I've been greatly blessed and I want to return it. But having my income limited has really shown me just how much paying tithing means to me.

I've always paid tithing when I got my monthly paycheck. Then I would pay it on Josh's paychecks that he received every other week. That usually left just one week of the month where I didn't have any tithing to pay. But even then, I usually had an extra $20 in my wallet. When I lost the second source of income, paying tithing on it was one of the things I missed the most. For 3 long weeks, I had nothing I could contribute to tithing bag as it was passed each Sunday and it broke my heart.

This is where I can hear Pastor Dee say "God is here to get your heart, not your money." And I know that is true. But it broke my heart to not contribute each week.

As I sat down to budget my first paycheck of living on my own, tithing was the very first item on my list. I can not express the joy that filled my heart yesterday as I placed my envelope in the bag. I will admit, I thought about splitting it up, so I could give some each week. But that didn't feel right. I don't want my blessings to be portioned out, so I won't do that with my tithing.

As I learn to budget and live on my own, I know that I will have to cut back in some areas. But my tithing will never be one of them.

Psalms 16:11
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.


Jesus, I am less lost in your presence. Your peace floods over me like a river. God, I know what the world would have me do, but I want to know Your will. Search me deeply O Lord, and let me know Your will. God, I know I am held up by Your righteous hand. Please just let me see which way I need to go. The fear paralyzes me. I know that is not of you, but of the enemy. That is why I continually seek Your peace and guidance. Please speak to me God. Tell me what you would have me do.

In Your word, I find your answers and promises. I am scared to take this step, but I know that You will catch me. I know You will carry me through this storm. I know that when I get to the other side, you will bless me more than I can even imagine.

Your timing is perfect. You are always faithful. I will praise you during the storm and give thanks to you continually for all you bless me with. The storm rages all around me, but in Your presence, I will not be harmed.

I give You my heart Jesus. Its all I have left to give. Right now, it feels so broken, but I know You are the only one who can fix it. Mold it to Your will. Restore my joy.

Psalms 63:1
O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Psalms 61:1-4
Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lad me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

The Lord is my refuge and strength

Blessed is she who believes what the Lord has said.

Let not your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid.

The Lord is my refuge and strength

1 Peter 5 :6-7
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Psalms 16:8'I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Job 8:21
"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter And your lips with shouting."

Psalms 118: 14
The Lord is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.

Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you, you need only to BE STILL.

Psalms 16:11
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Mark 9: 23
And Jesus said to him, "If You can? All things are possible to him who believes."

Psalms 46:10
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Luke 1:37
For nothing will be impossible with God.

Isaiah 55:9
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Jeremiah 29: 12-14
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find ME when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, 'declares the Lord.'

My Heart

God,

Last night I poured my soul out to you. I have been all week, but last night, I was overwhelmed by your peace. Its another moment I wish I could bottle and never forget. I want to write it all down in hopes I never forget.

As I prayed Jeremiah 29: 12-13 "Call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." 

I broke down. I have felt so dead inside I didn't think I had a heart anymore. So many times I have wished it to stop beating. And when I put my hand to my chest, I can't feel it beat inside of my body. So I cried out. How can I seek you with my heart when it feels broken beyond repair?

As I continued to pray, I read Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." 

I looked to the heavens and, through the tears, I laughed. Okay God, you win. I don't think I have a heart anymore, but you will create in me a new one. God you are the very air I breathe. Let every breath be of you. Let every thought turn to you. May I only see you. Body, mind, soul and heart, only you Jesus.

How I wish I could curl up, shut out the world and just bask in your presence. Work, family, stress, it all gets in the way and I let it cut me off from you. Then the evil one starts to slip in and muddy the waters of my peace. Guard my heart Jesus. Surround me with your angels so the enemy can't attack. 

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

Micah 7:8 "Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is light for me."

On and on I continued to pray for your strength and comfort and I praised you for your peace. 

2 Chronicles 20: 15,17 "Do not fear or be dismayed... for the battle is not yours but God's....Stand and see the Salvation of the Lord on your behalf. Do not fear or be dismayed, for the Lord is with you."

Over and over I prayed those words until they were committed to memory. I am clinging to your promises God. You are always faithful. I follow you into battle and I will praise you in the storm. The enemy has no power here. Not over me or my heart. I give it all to you Jesus!

Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I prayed until I thought I was done. I could feel your peace and I knew I could sleep. But as I laid in bed, I continued to bask in your love. The weaker part of me asked for a sign, a glimpse, something to know your plan.

And then, I felt my heart beating in my chest. It wasn't the answer I thought I wanted, but it was the answer I needed. You will protect me. You are my strength. Let my heart be completely yours. Help me to be still as I cling to your promises.

Ephesians 3:20 "God is able to do Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All that we ask or think."

Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All

This week, I've been in crisis mode. I've spent hours on my knees crying to God. Each breath I have breathed, I've asked for His strength. I've poured over scriptures looking for the perfect answer. And though my usual favorites have brought me some comfort, I still slip back into panic mode frequently. I've  spent hours in my prayer journal. I'm so glad I have that. It is my light of hope in this darkness. Each night I've fallen asleep, singing a song of comfort, but each morning I awaken, back in the same state of shock. 

Last night, I I turned to my blog. I was trying to find the words to write a plead to Jesus. But first, I read my last blog post, God Is Able. What sweet joy that brought my soul! God Is Able. I fell asleep last night repeating these words over and over again. 

God Is Able

Exceedingly

Abundantly 

Above All

God Is Able

For the first time this week, I woke up in peace. God Is Able.

My problem still looms before me, but it doesn't feel so hopeless now. Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All, I know that God has this. I want to bottle this feeling and hold on to it forever.

Jesus is my constant comfort though this storm and I know He will guide me to calmer waters. And I know that His miracle is going to go Exceeding, Abundantly, Above All I can even imagine. 

God Is Able

I just read an amazing book "God Is Able" by Priscilla Shirer. I ordered it in the mail earlier this week and it came yesterday. The second I picked it up, I couldn't put it down. As in: I almost skipped dinner to keep reading it, but instead I stayed up 2+ hours past by bedtime, just so I could finish it.

The book is based on Ephesians 3:20-21.

Read it again. 

Now read it slowly.

Let it sink in.

(Its okay, I had to read it a few times too.)

God Is Able.

I wish I could buy a copy of the book for everyone I know. The least I can do is share some of my thoughts here.

We all have an IT thing in our life. An IT that we don't think we can get past. An IT we think we can never heal from. Each one of us has an IT. I started the book because I have a huge IT right now and I can't see how to fix it. I decided to write a list of my IT's. I was too scared to write the big one down first, so I started with a few others. 

I have a lot of IT's. Once I started writing them down, I couldn't stop. I then spent the rest of the book realizing that my IT's are nothing compared to my GOD. God who is all powerful. God who is all knowing. God who is always faithful. God who goes exceedingly, abundantly, above all!

Exceedingly, abundantly, above all. I loved how Priscilla Shirer said God goes beyond beyondness. What you hope for, God can do even more so, far than you or I could ever imagine. 

But I also noticed that the scripture doesn't say immediately. Sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes, He has a big plan in place and you can't see it yet. But don't stop waiting patiently on God. He is always at work. He created the galaxies, your problems are nothing to Him.

I couldn't help but think about a few of my recent blessings from God. Last fall, while walking with a friend, we found a kitten. I immediately picked him up and within seconds I had named him Blue. We had been content with just Zipper & Gaby, but immediately Blue became a part of the family. 

Six short months later Zipper passed away. I was heartbroken. But as I was praying last night, it all clicked together. Right after we found Blue, Zipper started to get sick. I took him to one vet, but they brushed it off. A few months later, I took him to another vet and that is when we learned his time was short.

When I found Blue, I had not idea how much I would need him. But God did. God knew I was going to have to say goodbye to Zipper and that my heart would break. In His loving care, He gave me Blue as my comfort for these lonely nights. I couldn't see that until now, but God always knew.

This spring I had another big IT in my life. I felt like I had hit a wall with my schooling and I was ready to give up, or at the least take a break. But I felt like if I did that, I wouldn't go back. God opened some doors and helped with a few things, but I was still in a slump. As I started the summer semester, I kept thinking, "I can't do this." I would also think about calling the college and dropping my classes.

But each time, something got in the way. I'd go a few days and then think about it again. And again, something would get in the way and I'd forget to call. Finally, I reached (what I thought) was a breaking point. I was going to take the summer off and then see how I felt in the fall. As I was driving down the road, I dialed the college and asked what I needed to do to drop my courses for the summer.

I had literally missed the drop deadline by 12 hours! If I had called the day before, I would've been able to drop my courses and get my full tuition back. But like always, something came up and I didn't get the chance to call. I wasn't willing to loose my tuition, so I decided to push through and stay in my classes.

And you know what? This has ended up being not only an easier semester, but also a fun one. I was so caught up in everything else, that I couldn't realize that. But God knew! He knew I would later regret quitting. Even though I still don't know what I would have done come fall semester, God knew and I know that He did everything so I could keep going. God knew that when I did eventually get around to this class, I would end up loving it. God knew that I would find the time to work hard. 

I still have several IT's in my life, but suddenly, they don't seem so impossible. I  have no idea how God will handle them, but I know He will.

I still have my list of IT's, but suddenly they don't seem so big because I know God Is Able.