My Heart

God,

Last night I poured my soul out to you. I have been all week, but last night, I was overwhelmed by your peace. Its another moment I wish I could bottle and never forget. I want to write it all down in hopes I never forget.

As I prayed Jeremiah 29: 12-13 "Call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." 

I broke down. I have felt so dead inside I didn't think I had a heart anymore. So many times I have wished it to stop beating. And when I put my hand to my chest, I can't feel it beat inside of my body. So I cried out. How can I seek you with my heart when it feels broken beyond repair?

As I continued to pray, I read Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." 

I looked to the heavens and, through the tears, I laughed. Okay God, you win. I don't think I have a heart anymore, but you will create in me a new one. God you are the very air I breathe. Let every breath be of you. Let every thought turn to you. May I only see you. Body, mind, soul and heart, only you Jesus.

How I wish I could curl up, shut out the world and just bask in your presence. Work, family, stress, it all gets in the way and I let it cut me off from you. Then the evil one starts to slip in and muddy the waters of my peace. Guard my heart Jesus. Surround me with your angels so the enemy can't attack. 

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

Micah 7:8 "Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is light for me."

On and on I continued to pray for your strength and comfort and I praised you for your peace. 

2 Chronicles 20: 15,17 "Do not fear or be dismayed... for the battle is not yours but God's....Stand and see the Salvation of the Lord on your behalf. Do not fear or be dismayed, for the Lord is with you."

Over and over I prayed those words until they were committed to memory. I am clinging to your promises God. You are always faithful. I follow you into battle and I will praise you in the storm. The enemy has no power here. Not over me or my heart. I give it all to you Jesus!

Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I prayed until I thought I was done. I could feel your peace and I knew I could sleep. But as I laid in bed, I continued to bask in your love. The weaker part of me asked for a sign, a glimpse, something to know your plan.

And then, I felt my heart beating in my chest. It wasn't the answer I thought I wanted, but it was the answer I needed. You will protect me. You are my strength. Let my heart be completely yours. Help me to be still as I cling to your promises.

Ephesians 3:20 "God is able to do Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All that we ask or think."

Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All

This week, I've been in crisis mode. I've spent hours on my knees crying to God. Each breath I have breathed, I've asked for His strength. I've poured over scriptures looking for the perfect answer. And though my usual favorites have brought me some comfort, I still slip back into panic mode frequently. I've  spent hours in my prayer journal. I'm so glad I have that. It is my light of hope in this darkness. Each night I've fallen asleep, singing a song of comfort, but each morning I awaken, back in the same state of shock. 

Last night, I I turned to my blog. I was trying to find the words to write a plead to Jesus. But first, I read my last blog post, God Is Able. What sweet joy that brought my soul! God Is Able. I fell asleep last night repeating these words over and over again. 

God Is Able

Exceedingly

Abundantly 

Above All

God Is Able

For the first time this week, I woke up in peace. God Is Able.

My problem still looms before me, but it doesn't feel so hopeless now. Exceedingly, Abundantly, Above All, I know that God has this. I want to bottle this feeling and hold on to it forever.

Jesus is my constant comfort though this storm and I know He will guide me to calmer waters. And I know that His miracle is going to go Exceeding, Abundantly, Above All I can even imagine.