I keep having a thought that I know I need to study out further. Maybe study out isn't the right word; its more like act upon.
The last 2 weeks, during bible study, the thought has occurred to me, "Christ has forgiven me of my sins and he thinks on them no more. Why can't I do the same towards others?"
This thought cuts me deep. There are some people in my life that I hold great resentment towards. Sadly, they are family. Why are we hardest on those who are closest to us? I'm not sure, but I am. I get angry and I lash out at them. I don't mean to. But its like I've been this way for so long, I don't know how to act any other way.
Lord, I'm asking you, I'm begging you, to take this pain from my heart. I'm tired of fighting with them. I'm tired of being hurt by their actions, or the lack there of. I don't think they even know I'm hurt and upset. But I've held onto this anger for years. Its like it has darkened my soul and routed itself into my heart. I don't want to be like this anymore. Lord, please heal my heart and make me whole. Please take this anger from me and destroy it so it won't darken my heart any longer. Through you Lord, I know I can be whole again. Please help me. Help me let go. Help me move on. Help me forget the hurt and pain. Lord, I don't want to be like this anymore. I want it be like it used to be. Please heal me Lord. I've tried to do it on my own for a few years now. I now realize, I can't do this on my own. My soul is too weak to do it on my own. Lord, I know with your help, I can move beyond this. Lord, with your strength, I can forgive and forget. Lord, I want to let go of these feelings and never visit them again. I want to crush them so they never haunt me again. I want to be made whole again. With you Lord, I know it is possible. I'm opening my heart to you and your healing powers. Please fix my heart and soul Lord Jesus.
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